I'm Not Everything I Want to Be

A compilation of Jarcovjáková's photographs and diary entries taken between 1968 and 1989 in Czechoslovakia, GDR, FRG and Japan, the film documents her biographical and artistic journey, focusing on several central themes: the desire to become a photographer, the maladjustment to socialism but also to capitalism, the choice not to have children, the need for exploring one’s sexuality and the queer identity —in short, the freedom to be able to live by one's own terms. Jarcovjáková is interested in simultaneously capturing both the everyday-the nightlife in Prague, apartment parties and intimate relationships—, and her inner struggles, which make her vacillate between self-doubt and self-confidence. Although working with static images, director Klára Tasovská emphasizes the dynamism and intensity behind them that betray the desire to survive, to belong and to relate.